Buckle up because this is going to be one long rant…
What the *#$@!
Seriously, Seahawks, do you know what you have done? Not only have you lost a top-five receiver and gained absolutely nothing in the process, but you have also let down a whole fan base! I don’t think I have seen the 12s more angry than right now. As of right now, the 2025-26 season looks bleak. I’m talking really bleak, like imagine trading in your Ferrari for a bus pass and paying extra for it bleak.
Since the Seahawks’ favorite thing to do right now is to trade away all their good players, I guess I will follow suit. As I am the best fan (totally unbiased), I will inevitably be traded away, too.
So to all the other 31 NFL teams (make it 30: there’s no way I am going to the San Francisco 49ers.I am mad at the Seahawks, not crazy! Plus, red is not my color). Here is my resume to become your next superfan, plus my suggestions to other superfans struggling to grapple with their team’s decisions this offseason.
Fair warning: I come with a lot of baggage and trust issues, so the benefits plan must be pretty good to deal with the fallout from these trades. This is going to take some serious therapy!
I am Willing to go the Extra Mile…or Should I Say Yard?
Whether it’s game day face paint, stellar gameday fits, or always repping the team, I make sure to go all out. One year, I even dressed as a Hawks player for Halloween, and I got mistaken for an actual player… That’s just the level of dedication you can expect from me as your next super fan.
Courtesy of macbey403’s Instagram page
Emotionally Resilient
Let’s get honest here. Being a Hawks fan, you have to be emotionally resilient. Super Bowl XLIX did a number on us all. Devastating playoff losses? Been there. Watching my favorite players leave? This isn’t my first rodeo. Do you need a fan who can take the heat? I’m battle-tested.
Courtesy of Sarah MacBey
I am the Best Hype Woman Out There
Need someone to start the wave? I got you. Need someone to scream like their life depends on a 4th and goal stop? Also me. I single-handedly increase stadium morale and can turn a casual watch party into the Super Bowl. Remember the Beast Quake? Ya, that was actually me. No biggie. So, if you are struggling with fan and stadium morale, I’m your girl! Just make sure the VIP suite I’m watching from has some throat lozenges in it.
Courtesy of Sarah MacBey
Football IQ
I don’t just yell at the TV - I yell strategically. Like a Monday Night Football analyst, I can break down coverages, recognize audibles, and debate questionable play calls. If you don’t believe me, let’s have a whiteboard session, and I’ll diagram exactly why your team’s offensive line needs work. To some, this may make me an obnoxious fan, but you can always use someone on the roster with a good IQ.
Courtesy of Nathan MacBey
Loyal (to a Fault)
My loyalty to the Hawks has never been tested so much in all my 19 years of being a fan (I was born a Seahawks fan, for anyone wondering). I have witnessed so many of my favorite players and coaches leave, like Tyler Lockett, Pete Caroll, Bobby Wagner (although he came back, then left again #trustissues), DK Metcalf, and now Geno Smith. I have no clue where the team is headed this season, and I am not sure I want to know! So, teams, if you are looking for your next franchise fan, call me up!
Courtesy of Nathan MacBey
Being an NFL fan is tough, especially during the offseason and free agency. Players who you have grown up watching and built a fandom around getting traded, released, or even retiring is a tough pill to swallow. I spent 10 seasons cheering for my favorite wide receiver, Tyler Lockett, only to see him play what is most likely his final year with another team. As heartbreaking as it can be to see your favorite players leave teams, it reminds us all of the cutthroat nature of the NFL and the underlying transactional element to all players. Although the recent moves the Seahawks have made have made it hard to be a 12th woman, my Seahawks love will never wane! As much as I joke around about switching teams, I can’t wait to see what this season holds for my Hawks!
Let’s go, Seahawks! Boo 49ers!
Courtesy of Sarah MacBey
Edited by Elle Chavis
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